InAMirror

...at night I just want someone to talk to.

I hate this feeling. I really hate it.
I'm feeling it almost everynight and I can't remember the last time I was barely ok, without this ideas dancing in my head. So many voices... and everyone of them demand me to be someone else, because I'm not good enough. I don't like it. I hate it. A part of me knows that I can't be perfect (neither the rest of the world) but everyone seems so happy, no matter how imperfect they are. I want that sensation. I want to be the smiley girl that in the photos always looks great and everyone loves her. I don't want to care about anyone else.  I want to love me. I just don't know how to do that.

I hate this kind of feeling. When I'm walking in the middle of the corridor at college and then I realize that a couple of girls are watching and laughing at me... Maybe it's paranoia or maybe it's the little voice on my head saying really softly 'it's beacuse they are better than you'

I was a bit worried about this. Ok, I'm lying I was horribly worried about this. I'll start where I' suppose to start: at the begginig. I study laws and I like it a lot, but my memory is of the size of a snail (nah, let's be fair with snails, my memory is smaller! lol) so it's kind of difficult to me to remember all the concepts that are suppose to be pretty basic. I mean I know what are they talking about and I can say if they're wrong or right, but I don't know how to make myself clear talking like a lawyer. I just talk like an average person.

Knowing all this you can assume that it's not a big deal, I have to study a lil more and in that way it'll be easier to defend myself in a class. BUT here's the thing. I like to dress colorfull and with things that are pretty rare here, also I like to draw/write/take random photos in my free time in college so everybody started to make me wonder why i'm in laws and not in a career that imply this sort of things. I was't sure if I was right when I choose laws {even if i like it... I mean I just like it}.

Anyway I guess I have to be what I want to be. Not sure what I want because that implies a lot of different thing. I'll just practice and hopefully one day I'll study photography.